12·07·01 Pre-Dawn

07-DEC-2001 03:00
There are so many things
We need so desperately
And the TV preaches
We can't live without them
You tell me what is neat
I'll tell you what I believe
If I ever were without it
Then I'd be worthless...
« Stabbing Westward, "The Only Thing" »

I guess the song's talking about commercialism, and that's not really what I mean. A more appropriate quote would be Tyler Durden's middle-children-of-history speech, or Lindsay's "fuck life" rant. But I like Stabbing Westward, and the song was playing when I started writing.

Anyway. Sometimes movies can cheer me up. But sometimes they just leave me feeling empty inside and envious of the characters.

... Stigmata's just not one of those envy-/emptiness-evoking movies, though.

12·07·01 Later That Pre-Dawn

07-DEC-2001 03:15
Bombarded by the atmosphere
You breathe, you choke, you breathe again
Conversation disappears
You realize they're not your friends
The panic of the future rears
You dig, you jerk, you find another way
      I don't know
      But I believe
      In yesterday
      And what it means
      To bleed
      And know that you're okay...
« Our Lady Peace, "Right Behind You (Mafia)" »

From all of us here inside my head, here's wishing all of you out there a happy day of infamy.

12·07·01 Dawn

07-DEC-2001 05:00
I find love humiliating
Sick and desperate need that drains me...
« Stabbing Westward, "Angel" »

I wish I had an angel...

{img} drawing of an angel

... God damn, do I love Stabbing Westward.

12·07·01 Morning

07-DEC-2001 09:00
{img} 'Whoa... that was weird...'  'What's the matter?'  'You ever get the feeling that something very, very bad is about to happen?'  'Yeah, but it's usually just gas.'

12·07·01 Later That Morning

07-DEC-2001 09:15
      "Give me peace or release for fuck's sake."
            - KoRn, Reclaim My Place

So far this year I've forgotten three of my friends' birthdays. I have two small excuses, one of which is that none of them go to Roanoke, so I'm not reminded by their presence that their birthdays are coming up. The second excuse is those years when I was younger of planting myself in front of the T.V. until I grew roots into the floor. Damn thing sucked away my memory and replaced it with lines from cartoons and sitcoms. Anyway, the point is I feel so bad about forgetting these people's birthdays that saying "I'm sorry" to them just doesn't cut it.

In fact, I wish that "I'm sorry" hadn't just become another second hand phrase (like that couch you find at the side of the road that smells a little funny, but you take it back to your dorm room anyway because it's free). Apologizing is now a handy way to answer questions that you don't feel like talking about. For example, a recent discussion that I had, if you can call a two-sentence exchange a discussion, consisted of me saying, "I hate money". The other person responded with, "I'm sorry". What the hell is that? And people do it all the time. "I'm sorry" is a phrase that should be saved up and used when it really applies. Using "sorry" so nonchalantly, in situations where it's not even needed only takes away it's meaning; makes the apology mean a lot less than it really does. Oh, and don't even try to get me started on "I love you". I hear that one come out every three seconds from a lot of people who date, until "love" has no meaning any more. Phrases like these need to be cherished and kept locked away until they should be used. That way they don't just become another phrase to say that has no feeling behind it at all. They'll become another thing like, "Would you like fries with that?" So, I guess there is no wonder as to why I feel inadequate when I say that I'm sorry about forgetting my friends' birthdays.

Did I push anyone's comfort level with my quote? If I did, then great. That means that not all words or phrases have lost their meaning or power yet. We're all still being desensitized, though. Most people wouldn't think twice if they heard the word "fuck" outside of a classroom or professional setting. So maybe I'm wrong in saying that some words still have power. Anyway, I made this short enough so that everyone could read it and get on with their lives or other homework, and I hope that's what you'll do.
« Valancy Wilson »

12·07·01 Night

07-DEC-2001 20:00
I look outside to the lighted city,
Thinking of all the people that are out there.
I can see in the street people,
Walking, talking, even singing,
Enjoying themselves.

But I am not part of that.
« Jonathan Stone, "Alone In The Darkness" »

Worcester's damned boring on a Friday night. I'd start drinking, but that'd make me even more lonely. There's got to be something to do...