11·19·01 Very Early Morning

19-NOV-2001 00:00
To see you cuts me like a knife...
« Poison, "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" »

11·19·01 Pre-Dawn

19-NOV-2001 03:00
This isn't a for-real suicide thing. This is probably one of those cry-for-help things.
« Marla Singer, Fight Club »

Some people may find me more cold, depressed, and distant than usual. And I am. But it's not because I want to be alone. Just the opposite. I feel lonely. I feel people slipping away from me, and I don't know how to deal. And why do I type this out here instead of talking about it? Because I can't talk about these things to people's faces. Sometimes I can barely stand knowing someone's looking at me. [This is somehow related to why eyes fascinate me, I think.] Besides, the people to whom I really need to say this never really read this site anyway. So, this is rather pointless as a cry for help. I guess it's just a vent, then. A pointless vent. And I'll stay cold. And depressed. And distant. And I'll lose people. Because I did nothing to keep them.

... Aw, fuck.

11·19·01 Noon

19-NOV-2001 12:00
Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown
Eventually break down
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
Everything has to end
You'll soon find
We're out of time left to watch it all unwind
The sacrifice is never knowing
      Why I never walked away
      Why I played myself this way
      Now I see
      Your testing me
      Pushes me away
« Linkin Park, "Pushing Me Away" »