11·03·01 Late Night

03-NOV-2001 22:00
Resting (for the most part) close to the surface of the unconscious are those personal attributes and elements of experience which have been excluded from the ego, usually because of parental and societal disapproval. These elements are known as the shadow, and they tend to be projected on less favored individuals and groups. While in general these qualities are negative ones, the shadow may also contain positive aspects which the individual has been unable to own. Typical of the latter are qualities disparaged by the individual's family and/or peers with labels such as "unmanly," "unfeminine," "weak," or "childish."
« An Introduction to Jung and Analytical Psychology »

I was thinking about the shadow recently. This was sparked by the comic I posted here, which came from Avalon [though you'd have known that if you'd clicked it]. So what is it that annoys me about people? Off the top of my head... messiness, immaturity, religion, optimism...

Messiness and immaturity are clearly aspects of myself that I don't like. I'm definitely immature right now. And since I don't think I aspire to messiness, it isn't a "positive aspect I've been unable to own". With messiness, one glance at my desk is evidence enough. There's crap scattered all over it; it's near impossible to find anything. Yeah, I know I annoy myself with that one. But it's a battle between keeping order and laziness. Laziness wins, hands down. I sort of enjoy my immaturity, though, as well as the immaturity of others. Sometimes. Sometimes I find it damned annoying. I think I might like to grow up a little bit more... but not all the way.

When you grow up, your heart dies.
« Allison Reynolds (Ally Sheedy), The Breakfast Club »

Religion and optimism... are they hidden aspects of myself that I'm not proud of? Or are they aspects which I desire and haven't been able to "own"? I look at the world and it's hard to be optimistic. The human race is, on the whole, ignorant. We deserve extinction. I don't really consider myself optimistic, for the most part. But I guess everyone has to be a little optimistic, just to stay alive. Perhaps I use pessimism and cynicism as a shield from the harshness of reality. A very likely possibility. But optimism scares me. You only open yourself to [emotional] injury by having high hopes. Maybe I just need a life-changing experience. Or just an opinion-changing one.

This's been an uncomfortable amount of self-analysis for me. So I think I'll stop there.

When I step outside myself, kind of, and when I, when I look in at myself, you know?  And I see me, and I don't like what I see, I really don't.
« Brian Johnson (Anthony Michael Hall), The Breakfast Club »

How true that is.